It will fry your Eyeholes

This lil blog post has been swirling in me for a while now. I, like Jill, watch too much television. Well, I don’t really “watch” it…I more “listen” to it. This semester I am reading my ass off, and I am the kind of brain who needs background noise…hence the t.v. During the day the dial is glued on MSNBC (stop rolling your eyes, Jill).

Prime time, though…I watch. Here is what I watch. Don’t be judgin’.

Britney and Ragan made a boring season somewhat less boring. I hope the next season is full of type A personalities…people who are more cutthroat. Gimme a Libra…a Sheila…a something. Let’s get some diversity up in this house…I mean, just like The Real World we get a few minorities (one African-American, one gay, one Jew) and move them in with a bunch of whities.  What if there were all sorts of diversity up in the house? Imagine the possibilities. And hey, production, how about we just let them play the game. This show, like M Night Shyamalan movies, is failing because of the excessive “twists.”

Hayden won. Eh. To be honest, I was rooting for Britney most of the season. Without a doubt the star of the season (and I hate that I am typing this) was Rachel and “HER MAN” Braden. Rachel (and another reality television personality I will talk about soon) is one of the most delusional personalities I have ever watched. Truly fascinating…much in the same way boils pre-lancing are fascinating. And Braden, wow, what a lapdog. That relationship is doomed.

On The Daily Purge‘s last episode J. Michael Haas and Sara Davis discussed Big Brother and Big Brother UK. On the UK version viewers vote out the hamsters (contestants). I would love it if our Big Brother gave this a try…Unless something changes this season may be my last.

This season was full of privileged brats behaving very badly. Two cast members stood out to me as being both sane and morally upstanding : Eric Patrick and Ashlee Feldman. However, they were overshadowed by an alcoholic mess/domestic violence victim and her crass, slightly abusive boyfriend. Ryan “I’m not gay” Leslie, like Big Brother’s Rachel, is not living in the real world (a pun). He has no redeeming value and it hurts my heart to think that some Slutty McSlutterson is giving up the punany for him to orgasm.

This season was more diverse than past season’s, however…it didn’t feel that way. “Liberal Muslim” Sahar was in the house…yet she seemed to only be Muslim by name only. And just as I predicted we got that one “special” episode in which they visited areas grossly affected by Hurricane Katrina and they all cried and gave their PSA confessionals and by next episode they were back to boozin, fightin, and fuckin. I don’t know why I tuned in.

This past week Tim Gunn said “Jackie O would not have camel toe.” No truer words have been spoken.

My favorites this season are April and Christopher. I hate Gretchen. Her clothes are always boring. Her elitist tone makes me want to spit nails. Also, one of those Garnier guys should teach her how to properly apply rouge.

Ah, Survivor. This season just started so my opinion is bound to change. I don’t know how I feel about an amputee survivor. It seems to me that she was added because of her disability, not in lieu of it. Survivor is so physical, I don’t know how she will be able to wrestle with the other Survivors. Although, on P90x one of the instructors is also on one leg so perhaps I am speaking out of ignorance.

I don’t know about this “old vs. young” thing. I don’t want to see old people getting their asses kicked…and this sentimental “we are going to show them young’uns” is such bullshit. Sorry grandpa, your joints are creakier, your muscles are dimplier, your bones are fraglier…you aren’t going to win a physical competition. The only advantage the old ones may have is that perhaps they will better be able to place their ego aside, however Jimmy T. is proving that notion wrong.

WHAT is with the crotch blur? We all know that men have penises, and if they are wearing underwear…oh my god, you just may see a bulge…you maybe even see ***GASP*** whether or not they are circumcised. Survivor is grimy, it’s physical, it’s musty…I can’t believe that the censors are blurring and I can’t believe that somewhere someone wrote an angry email. This is just more proof that the terrorists won.

The only gripe I have with this show is Dana White. If you know your show is one basic cable why the fuck are you saying “fuck” so much? It just gets beeped…and the beepers beep so much that they beep the beginning syllable or your next word and we can’t figure out what the beep you are trying to say.

Bruce Leroy aka “Alex Caceres is my favorite…probably because I loved The Last Dragon. I also was really impressed with the Native American fighter…don’t know his name and had no luck googling it.

This show always makes me smile. I would love to try out…and if they ever have tryouts in Dallas again, I will. Although my least favorite part of this show is the final stage.

This is, by far, the BEST show on television. Katy Sagal is amazing. Charlie Hunnam is amazing. Ron Perlman is amazing. Is this show a modern day Hamlet? I can see the influence.

So, what are you watching?

From the Mailbag : The Celluloid Closet

A couple of weeks ago we received this letter :

I’m not caught up on Secretly Timid… and you may not want to explore the following topic as a blog… I don’t think I could do it justice because I’m not a gay man, but I think it’s an excellent topic to explore.

There’s been an explosion of Leonardo DiCaprio and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a result of Inception.  I am not seeing that as much with Tom Hardy.  My question to you is… do you think, even as open as we have become in society and acknowledging there’s still far more to go, that his common sense and honest approach to exploring his sexuality, has led to a quieting down of his role in the movie?

I’m asking because before I saw the movie, I saw Ellen Page everywhere and Marion Cotillard, as well as Robert Fisher, Leo, and JGL, but hardly any mention of Tom Hardy.   I know Ellen Page has questions of her sexuality, but a lipstick lesbian is sort of a turn on to straight men and less threatening to mainstream as a gay man.

I mean, let’s face it… even as accepting as Hollywood may be, they still have to play to Middle America and Red America, and so, while gay may be acceptable as a “role”, but gay actors do still have to be pushed back into the closet, as well.

Our listener (who I hope is now all caught up) is referring to this interview with NOW magazine from this past July. Here is the meat (no pun intended) of the interview :

But asked if he’d ever had any sexual relations with other men, the broody actor said: ‘As a boy? Of course I have. I’m an actor for ****’s sake. ‘I’ve played with everything and everyone. I love the form and the physicality, but now that I’m in my thirties, it doesn’t do it for me.

This admission caused a mild stir in the tabloids. So, are we to believe Hardy is bisexual? I don’t think so. I interpret him saying “it doesn’t do it for me” to mean that he identifies as heterosexual. I know plenty of gay men (myself included) who have had sex with women and still identify themselves as gay men. Why can’t the same be said for straight men? Also, he explains that this happened when he was younger which is a natural time for sexual exploration. Let us also not forget that Hardy is European, and Europeans have less hang ups when it comes to sex. If you ask me, I think American men have had similar experiences and have chosen to keep mum about it for fear of being labeled “fag.”

I believe that Hardy didn’t make the same rounds on the media circuit like Gordon-Levitt, Page or DeCaprio because Hardy isn’t a household name…yet. Cillian Murphy (drool) was also absent…so perhaps it was more of a regional thing…or maybe Hardy was working on another film. I don’t know the ins and outs of Hollywood, but I thought actors were contracted to do press, so perhaps Hardy wasn’t contractually asked to appear on Leno or Kimmel.

One thing I do disagree with the listener on is how “accepting” Hollywood is. It isn’t. A lot of my friends are actors, and I know some whose star is on the rise and are privately gay. They cannot come out of the closet. Sure, we can honor Neil Patrick Harris and his husband…but he didn’t come out publicly until he reached a level of success where he was o.k. either way.

Lipstick lesbians are accepted in our society- the Portias. For Ellen to be accepted she has to appear asexual. More butch lesbians are a dime a dozen on television, and most lesbians I know fall under this label.

The listener does bring up a good question. Why are gay men viewed as “threatening?” By “gay men” I am insinuating that the reader means “flamboyantly gay men.” Sadly, the flamers are also discriminated against within the gay community. I know too many gay men who pride themselves as being “straight acting” or “masculine” or even state that they hate our flaming brothers. I remember being at a bar arguing with another gay guy because he thought Adam Lambert was doing a disservice to the gay community by being so flamboyant. I don’t know why butch lesbians and flamboyant gay men are treated the way they are by our society, but I applaud them for having the courage to be themselves.

To bring this discussion back to Hardy…I think he is a great actor and easy on the eyes. He will be a household name in the States soon enough.

This was really a great letter and I am interested in reading your response as well.

If you would like to send us a letter, you can send your letter to [email protected]

And please let us know what you think by commenting.


Stand Back. There’s a Hurricane Coming Through

I swing to the left. Totally. I am all for equal rights. I am for gay marriage. I am pro a woman’s right to choose. I was hoping for a public option and I am against revising the 14th amendment.  I am a scary progressive, and in Texas I can feel somewhat alone when I watch the local news.

One of the great things about the interwebs and social networking sites is that you can feel that you are not alone, even if you are. Twitter, just to call one such social networking site out, can make you feel like your voice is twirling around the ether with others. Sometimes your voice sings in harmony…sometimes your voice is flat.

I know many of my peers laugh at the thought of me watching pro wrestling. I can’t help it. I was hooked the first time I saw Lita land a moonsault. I am not nearly a rabid fan as I was years ago, but I still watch TNA and WWE. Well, at least they are on my DVR record list…but with Lita and Christopher Daniels out of the limelight…I watch with less intensity.

Twitter is beautiful, and like many others, I follow my favorite pro wrestlers on it. I mostly follow women’s wrestling ( I know, how gay…shout out to Diva Dirt), but I follow some male wrestlers as well. Besides Christopher Daniels, I follow the Hardy’s, Shannon Moore, and Gregory Helms…aka “The Hurricane.”

Today, at roughly 6 pm central time he posted the following (a retweet)

Wow!! LOL I like!! RT @tmarnette: Who is more dangerous? Osama Bin Laden or Obama Been Lyin’?

Now, I was playing in a poker tournament at the time…but I was somewhat offended by this post. I mean…so you don’t like our Pres…let’s say you didn’t even vote for him…are you still going to laugh at someone contrasting him with a terrorist connected to an act of violence which resulted in the death of nearly 3,000 Americans??

I responded to him with the following :

@HurricaneHelms seriously? That isn’t funny at all.

I then felt it right to react to the source…to perhaps open a dialog. So I responded to @tmarnette with the following sequence:

@tmarnette On one side you have a terrorist linked to an attack killing nearly 3,000 Americans. On the other side you have our President

and because twitter limits you, there was a follow up

@tmarnette while I appreciate your play on words and near rhyme, the answer should be self evident.

Mr. Helms responded to me via direct message with the following :

Then don’t laugh, but don’t bore me with lame replies.

Roar tiger…tone the sass down! I feel sorry that I bored him, but at the same time I would be worried if I laughed at contrasting any American president with a terrorist that is still on the lamb. Different strokes I guess.

Twitter law denies me from replying to him directly, because Mr. Helms does not “follow” me. So I had to make my reply public. I typed :

@HurricaneHelms I didn’t laugh, whatevs, We are all entitled to our own opinion. I hope the rumor of you debuting in TNA soon is true.

And I was being honest. Even if we disagree, he is a talented performer and I miss watching him on T.V.

Since I walked right into a handicap match, Ms. Tina from Tennessee had already typed responses to me. She typed the following :

@jonleehart: Pipe down Peter Pan…it was sort of a rhetorical remark. I didn’t need your witty thoughts on that. But thanks.

The beauty of Twitter and Facebook and other Social Networking sites is that it is public, and since the Hurricane retweeted Ms. Tina’s post I saw it…and could respond. Shortly after her direct response to me she tweeted :

Some people have the intelligence of a street sign…

Now, I don’t know if she was referring to me or not. Just to be safe I tweeted :

@tmarnette “stop” can be very good advice

And it is good advice. She responded with :

So can “find something better to do with your time than respond to my tweets”

I haven’t seen that traffic sign.

I tweeted the following :

I’m as Democratic as they come, but I would never ask the question “who is more dangerous, Osama Bin Laden or George Bush?

And I mean it. I am not a fan of W, but I don’t think he is evil.

Shortly after she tweeted :

Andddddddd…. *block* 🙂

Just to test the waters I tried to follow her…and sure enough, that last tweet was referring to me.

The reason why I am blogging about this is just to share with you what I think is so frustrating about our society today, regardless of your political leanings. We are connected, but we aren’t. We could discuss and converse, but too often we just click “block.”

Mary / Fountain

Mary

This evening I spent some time with a good friend. We munched on some subs, sipped some wine, and watched some bad reality television. This night it was the one-two, leave your dignity at the door- combo platter of The Real World and Jersey Shore.

Side Note 1 – If you listened to this week’s episode you will hear me ask Jill if I missed an episode of the Real World. It turns out that I did…and tonight I watched the episode I missed. This episode included the country girl going to see her hot chocolate bf’s basketball game, his family being total d-words, the gang going to Mardi Gras, and the girl with the plastic face and the gay guy losing the radio stations digital recorder. What dickheads.

Side Note 2 – 30 is just around the corner for me…and yet I don’t see how I am older than these guidos.  How am I older than Ronnie?

If you are suffering through this season of the Real World (or are just listening to us bitch about it on the podcast) you know there is one cast mate who may or may not be an alcoholic. Her name is McKenzie, but when she drinks she becomes Mary. Mary is a sloppy drunk and is super horny…and her roommates are constantly cock-blocking her. What d words!

I kid. Of course her roommates are protecting her from men who attempt to take advantage of Mary’s drunken horniness. I believe this is the third episode I have seen where one of her roommates sacrifice their own fun and place themselves in awkward situations to protect her drunken vagina. I call foul…and thus began a two minute long debate. I think the roommates should get together and tell McKenzie that she needs to act like a mature adult and monitor her alcohol consumption to keep Mary at bay-and then they should stop intervening and let whatever happen happen. Let’s face it, her roommates aren’t going to be around to protect her forever, and the more they do the more of a disservice they are doing for her. She’s gotta learn…and hopefully she will learn before something terrible happens to her. My friend disagreed with me partly…she thinks they need to protect her, lest something terrible happen.

Thinking back, I am still torn between the possibilities. If I were in their position of course I wouldn’t want anything to happen to Mary/McKenzie, but I couldn’t help but feel that I was being taken advantage of by constantly having to protect her.

What do you think?

Fountain

I bought a fountain-like water bowl for my pussies. Delylah, the best producer ever, is afraid of it. Do you think she will get over this fear once she is super thirsty? Here is a picture of the fountain. I think it is neat. OH, and a picture of the side table I just sanded, stained, and glossed. I am proud of it. Thank you HGTV!

Help Paul’s car

Paint is actively peeling off the front bumper of my car and I have no clue why or what to do about it.  It’s a Pontiac Vibe and I only see old cars on the roads with the same problem.  Do you have any ideas, listeners?  I appreciate the help!

Am I being a Dick?

So I am slowly getting back into twitter (handle: jonleehart). I follow way too many celebrities…and one in particular is working my nerves hardcore: Sherrie fuckin’ Shepherd.

I know, I watch The View. I got hooked when Rosie was throwing her weight around, and now Joy throws just enough sass to keep me watching. Elizabeth makes me want to slit my throat (although sometimes she surprises me) and Whoopi is just a snooze fest. The show is always better when Babs is gone…and well, Sherrie was always annoying to me.

The annoyance started way back when she said that she didn’t know whether or not the Earth was round. It continued when she voiced her concerns about a woman’s right to choose. I don’t know whether or not she is pro or anti- choice…but given her history with abortions some things she has stated has made her appear hypocritical.

The annoyance factor hit a high note a couple of weeks ago when she and D.L. Hughley started to spread false information about men on the “down low” spreading HIV to their unsuspecting girlfriends. (This all spawned from a discussion regarding gay men being banned from donating blood. The point that was trying to be made was that if black women are contracting the virus at a growing rate should that demographic be banned as well). Anyways, this tumbled down to downlow gay men spreading HIV to their girlfriends.

The problem here is not gay sex or straight sex. The problem is unprotected sex. The problem with Ms. Shepherd and Mr. Hughley is that they not only failed to acknowledge this, but they also failed to acknowledge the various other ways the virus is spread (hello needles.) And ABC’s refusal to correct this sucks monkey balls.

Back to the twitter…well the past couple of days made me realize how often she twats…she twats about busting her ass…about eating dinner with another celebrity…about going to the salon…about being celibate…all day she twats. Today she twatted about how over 3D movies and complained that the only movie theater playing the movie she wanted to see (the non 3D version) airs after her sons bedtime.

I couldn’t control it. I twatted back “There are bigger problems in this world.” I don’t know if she will read it…but the force and speed at which I struck the keys sounded nice and relieved some of my frustration.

So, am I being a dick?