It will fry your Eyeholes

This lil blog post has been swirling in me for a while now. I, like Jill, watch too much television. Well, I don’t really “watch” it…I more “listen” to it. This semester I am reading my ass off, and I am the kind of brain who needs background noise…hence the t.v. During the day the dial is glued on MSNBC (stop rolling your eyes, Jill).

Prime time, though…I watch. Here is what I watch. Don’t be judgin’.

Britney and Ragan made a boring season somewhat less boring. I hope the next season is full of type A personalities…people who are more cutthroat. Gimme a Libra…a Sheila…a something. Let’s get some diversity up in this house…I mean, just like The Real World we get a few minorities (one African-American, one gay, one Jew) and move them in with a bunch of whities.  What if there were all sorts of diversity up in the house? Imagine the possibilities. And hey, production, how about we just let them play the game. This show, like M Night Shyamalan movies, is failing because of the excessive “twists.”

Hayden won. Eh. To be honest, I was rooting for Britney most of the season. Without a doubt the star of the season (and I hate that I am typing this) was Rachel and “HER MAN” Braden. Rachel (and another reality television personality I will talk about soon) is one of the most delusional personalities I have ever watched. Truly fascinating…much in the same way boils pre-lancing are fascinating. And Braden, wow, what a lapdog. That relationship is doomed.

On The Daily Purge‘s last episode J. Michael Haas and Sara Davis discussed Big Brother and Big Brother UK. On the UK version viewers vote out the hamsters (contestants). I would love it if our Big Brother gave this a try…Unless something changes this season may be my last.

This season was full of privileged brats behaving very badly. Two cast members stood out to me as being both sane and morally upstanding : Eric Patrick and Ashlee Feldman. However, they were overshadowed by an alcoholic mess/domestic violence victim and her crass, slightly abusive boyfriend. Ryan “I’m not gay” Leslie, like Big Brother’s Rachel, is not living in the real world (a pun). He has no redeeming value and it hurts my heart to think that some Slutty McSlutterson is giving up the punany for him to orgasm.

This season was more diverse than past season’s, however…it didn’t feel that way. “Liberal Muslim” Sahar was in the house…yet she seemed to only be Muslim by name only. And just as I predicted we got that one “special” episode in which they visited areas grossly affected by Hurricane Katrina and they all cried and gave their PSA confessionals and by next episode they were back to boozin, fightin, and fuckin. I don’t know why I tuned in.

This past week Tim Gunn said “Jackie O would not have camel toe.” No truer words have been spoken.

My favorites this season are April and Christopher. I hate Gretchen. Her clothes are always boring. Her elitist tone makes me want to spit nails. Also, one of those Garnier guys should teach her how to properly apply rouge.

Ah, Survivor. This season just started so my opinion is bound to change. I don’t know how I feel about an amputee survivor. It seems to me that she was added because of her disability, not in lieu of it. Survivor is so physical, I don’t know how she will be able to wrestle with the other Survivors. Although, on P90x one of the instructors is also on one leg so perhaps I am speaking out of ignorance.

I don’t know about this “old vs. young” thing. I don’t want to see old people getting their asses kicked…and this sentimental “we are going to show them young’uns” is such bullshit. Sorry grandpa, your joints are creakier, your muscles are dimplier, your bones are fraglier…you aren’t going to win a physical competition. The only advantage the old ones may have is that perhaps they will better be able to place their ego aside, however Jimmy T. is proving that notion wrong.

WHAT is with the crotch blur? We all know that men have penises, and if they are wearing underwear…oh my god, you just may see a bulge…you maybe even see ***GASP*** whether or not they are circumcised. Survivor is grimy, it’s physical, it’s musty…I can’t believe that the censors are blurring and I can’t believe that somewhere someone wrote an angry email. This is just more proof that the terrorists won.

The only gripe I have with this show is Dana White. If you know your show is one basic cable why the fuck are you saying “fuck” so much? It just gets beeped…and the beepers beep so much that they beep the beginning syllable or your next word and we can’t figure out what the beep you are trying to say.

Bruce Leroy aka “Alex Caceres is my favorite…probably because I loved The Last Dragon. I also was really impressed with the Native American fighter…don’t know his name and had no luck googling it.

This show always makes me smile. I would love to try out…and if they ever have tryouts in Dallas again, I will. Although my least favorite part of this show is the final stage.

This is, by far, the BEST show on television. Katy Sagal is amazing. Charlie Hunnam is amazing. Ron Perlman is amazing. Is this show a modern day Hamlet? I can see the influence.

So, what are you watching?