“You’re cute, but…”

youre cute butWelcome to the first show of the New Year!! On this week’s show, Danielle and Jon are joined by Jill. The trio recap their holidays and talk about “The Real World.”

This week’s Hot Topics include


141203-canopiesThis week’s featured song is Choose Yer Own Adventure by Canopies



Secretly Timid TV Special : You Wan’ Sum-Mah…

Let’s talk. Let’s talk about the fall TV lineup. On this very special Thursday episode of Secretly Timid, Paul, Danielle and Jon talk about the TV we all love. Programs discussed include AMC’s The Walking Dead, MTV’s The Real World, FX’s American Horror, LifeTimes Project Runway and Bravos Work of Art. This talk is spoilerific and plot specific-so if you aren’t caught up you may wanna skip it!

Episode 79 : Lollipops and Armadillos

Happy Halloween Week!!! On today’s show Diane buys a house, Jon gets slow-rolled, and Paul and Danielle get older.

Hot topics include : a man with a 100 lb scrotum seeks money for surgery, a Ben and Jerry’s ice-cream flavor pisses off a humorless group of mothers,  an Irishman tries to turn his poo into gold (surprise, surprise…it doesn’t end well), a Texan woman is assaulted by a flying frozen armadillo, Miami bans the sale of “potheads” candy, a couple are caught having sex in a museum, and a new study shows a correlation between the amount of facebook friends one has and brain size.

Photo by Paul Bridgewater

This week’s featured song is “New Armor” by ANR.

This is the last week to vote for Secretly Timid. It would be awesome if you would head over to the PodCast Awards and cast your vote for our little show. Thank you so much for listening, voting, and supporting.

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Episode 56 : Reality Tie-Dye

Jon, Jill, and Paul throw the hot topics aside and devote the entire show to trashy, rashy reality television.

This week’s featured tune comes courtesy of Alex Winston and is called “Sister Wife.” If you like what you hear, purchase her stunning EP on Amazon.com.

Episode 55 : and in other news…

On this week’s episode, Jon berates Diane’s poor publicity skills while Jill and Paul eat jelly beans. The gang discuss The Real World’s Dustin Zito’s porn past (and his castmates’ reaction to the learning of it), the Royal Wedding, and the death of Osama Bin Laden.

This week’s featured song is “Social Studies” by Body Language

Episode 54 : Can’t Talk to a Psycho

On this week’s Secretly Timid, Jon surprises the group with a photo mentioned in episode 53. Paul confesses to finally seeing Jersey Shore, and he and Jon discuss this year’s The Real World. The news topics are pretty brutal this week and include a local woman’s murder, a teenager in Oregon who committed suicide in front of an audience, and a transgendered woman’s beating in a Baltimore McDonald’s (which was posted on YouTube) which may be tried as a hate crime. In an attempt to lighten the mood, Paul attempts the answer the age-old question: Why do heavy metal chicks love sex?

This week’s featured song is “Like a Liar” by The Orbans.

It will fry your Eyeholes

This lil blog post has been swirling in me for a while now. I, like Jill, watch too much television. Well, I don’t really “watch” it…I more “listen” to it. This semester I am reading my ass off, and I am the kind of brain who needs background noise…hence the t.v. During the day the dial is glued on MSNBC (stop rolling your eyes, Jill).

Prime time, though…I watch. Here is what I watch. Don’t be judgin’.

Britney and Ragan made a boring season somewhat less boring. I hope the next season is full of type A personalities…people who are more cutthroat. Gimme a Libra…a Sheila…a something. Let’s get some diversity up in this house…I mean, just like The Real World we get a few minorities (one African-American, one gay, one Jew) and move them in with a bunch of whities.  What if there were all sorts of diversity up in the house? Imagine the possibilities. And hey, production, how about we just let them play the game. This show, like M Night Shyamalan movies, is failing because of the excessive “twists.”

Hayden won. Eh. To be honest, I was rooting for Britney most of the season. Without a doubt the star of the season (and I hate that I am typing this) was Rachel and “HER MAN” Braden. Rachel (and another reality television personality I will talk about soon) is one of the most delusional personalities I have ever watched. Truly fascinating…much in the same way boils pre-lancing are fascinating. And Braden, wow, what a lapdog. That relationship is doomed.

On The Daily Purge‘s last episode J. Michael Haas and Sara Davis discussed Big Brother and Big Brother UK. On the UK version viewers vote out the hamsters (contestants). I would love it if our Big Brother gave this a try…Unless something changes this season may be my last.

This season was full of privileged brats behaving very badly. Two cast members stood out to me as being both sane and morally upstanding : Eric Patrick and Ashlee Feldman. However, they were overshadowed by an alcoholic mess/domestic violence victim and her crass, slightly abusive boyfriend. Ryan “I’m not gay” Leslie, like Big Brother’s Rachel, is not living in the real world (a pun). He has no redeeming value and it hurts my heart to think that some Slutty McSlutterson is giving up the punany for him to orgasm.

This season was more diverse than past season’s, however…it didn’t feel that way. “Liberal Muslim” Sahar was in the house…yet she seemed to only be Muslim by name only. And just as I predicted we got that one “special” episode in which they visited areas grossly affected by Hurricane Katrina and they all cried and gave their PSA confessionals and by next episode they were back to boozin, fightin, and fuckin. I don’t know why I tuned in.

This past week Tim Gunn said “Jackie O would not have camel toe.” No truer words have been spoken.

My favorites this season are April and Christopher. I hate Gretchen. Her clothes are always boring. Her elitist tone makes me want to spit nails. Also, one of those Garnier guys should teach her how to properly apply rouge.

Ah, Survivor. This season just started so my opinion is bound to change. I don’t know how I feel about an amputee survivor. It seems to me that she was added because of her disability, not in lieu of it. Survivor is so physical, I don’t know how she will be able to wrestle with the other Survivors. Although, on P90x one of the instructors is also on one leg so perhaps I am speaking out of ignorance.

I don’t know about this “old vs. young” thing. I don’t want to see old people getting their asses kicked…and this sentimental “we are going to show them young’uns” is such bullshit. Sorry grandpa, your joints are creakier, your muscles are dimplier, your bones are fraglier…you aren’t going to win a physical competition. The only advantage the old ones may have is that perhaps they will better be able to place their ego aside, however Jimmy T. is proving that notion wrong.

WHAT is with the crotch blur? We all know that men have penises, and if they are wearing underwear…oh my god, you just may see a bulge…you maybe even see ***GASP*** whether or not they are circumcised. Survivor is grimy, it’s physical, it’s musty…I can’t believe that the censors are blurring and I can’t believe that somewhere someone wrote an angry email. This is just more proof that the terrorists won.

The only gripe I have with this show is Dana White. If you know your show is one basic cable why the fuck are you saying “fuck” so much? It just gets beeped…and the beepers beep so much that they beep the beginning syllable or your next word and we can’t figure out what the beep you are trying to say.

Bruce Leroy aka “Alex Caceres is my favorite…probably because I loved The Last Dragon. I also was really impressed with the Native American fighter…don’t know his name and had no luck googling it.

This show always makes me smile. I would love to try out…and if they ever have tryouts in Dallas again, I will. Although my least favorite part of this show is the final stage.

This is, by far, the BEST show on television. Katy Sagal is amazing. Charlie Hunnam is amazing. Ron Perlman is amazing. Is this show a modern day Hamlet? I can see the influence.

So, what are you watching?

Mary / Fountain


This evening I spent some time with a good friend. We munched on some subs, sipped some wine, and watched some bad reality television. This night it was the one-two, leave your dignity at the door- combo platter of The Real World and Jersey Shore.

Side Note 1 – If you listened to this week’s episode you will hear me ask Jill if I missed an episode of the Real World. It turns out that I did…and tonight I watched the episode I missed. This episode included the country girl going to see her hot chocolate bf’s basketball game, his family being total d-words, the gang going to Mardi Gras, and the girl with the plastic face and the gay guy losing the radio stations digital recorder. What dickheads.

Side Note 2 – 30 is just around the corner for me…and yet I don’t see how I am older than these guidos.  How am I older than Ronnie?

If you are suffering through this season of the Real World (or are just listening to us bitch about it on the podcast) you know there is one cast mate who may or may not be an alcoholic. Her name is McKenzie, but when she drinks she becomes Mary. Mary is a sloppy drunk and is super horny…and her roommates are constantly cock-blocking her. What d words!

I kid. Of course her roommates are protecting her from men who attempt to take advantage of Mary’s drunken horniness. I believe this is the third episode I have seen where one of her roommates sacrifice their own fun and place themselves in awkward situations to protect her drunken vagina. I call foul…and thus began a two minute long debate. I think the roommates should get together and tell McKenzie that she needs to act like a mature adult and monitor her alcohol consumption to keep Mary at bay-and then they should stop intervening and let whatever happen happen. Let’s face it, her roommates aren’t going to be around to protect her forever, and the more they do the more of a disservice they are doing for her. She’s gotta learn…and hopefully she will learn before something terrible happens to her. My friend disagreed with me partly…she thinks they need to protect her, lest something terrible happen.

Thinking back, I am still torn between the possibilities. If I were in their position of course I wouldn’t want anything to happen to Mary/McKenzie, but I couldn’t help but feel that I was being taken advantage of by constantly having to protect her.

What do you think?


I bought a fountain-like water bowl for my pussies. Delylah, the best producer ever, is afraid of it. Do you think she will get over this fear once she is super thirsty? Here is a picture of the fountain. I think it is neat. OH, and a picture of the side table I just sanded, stained, and glossed. I am proud of it. Thank you HGTV!